as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
