Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
