your parents love me but you hate me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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