i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
