After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
