Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
