On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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