Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
