i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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