Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
