well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
