I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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