and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
