Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
