pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
