Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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