i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
