I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
