I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
