I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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