I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
