So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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