In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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