her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
