You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
