he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
