I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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