If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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