bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
