Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
