Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
