all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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