were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize