upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
