My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
