I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize