don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
