no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
