They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Floor bacon is actually really good
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
