You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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