dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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