He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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