I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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