I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
