can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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