I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
