I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
