You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
