the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
