She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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