Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
