I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
