I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
