I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
its liver damage thursday
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
