Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
