Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
