One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
