OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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