I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
