I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
