I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he thought i was a dude.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
