Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
