Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
