problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
