You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
