true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
