At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
