everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
