It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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