Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize