my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize