oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
