Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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