the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
