is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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