Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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