Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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