I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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