if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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