I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
