There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
