Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
