We're facebook friends in real life
I wannas sexs uuuuu
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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